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Not Averse
Extracts from an email received on Monday 28 October from
‘INTERPOL INVESTIGATION POLICE:
We are writhing to know if it’s true that you are DEAD. Because we received a notification from Mr. Joseph Grant today of USA stating that you are DEAD and that you have giving him the right to claim your US$500,000 fund …as compensation to the lose you insured from hoodlums scammers. Mr. Joseph Grant stated you died on a ghastly CAR accident last three days … we cannot proceed with him until we reconfirm by not hearing from you after 3 working days...Kindly get back to this office for immediate commencing of your fund release…All we need to confirm now is your been DEAD or still Alive? Joseph’s message brought shock to our hearing and we just can’t proceed until we don’t hear from you after 3 days then we say: MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE” May the peace of the Lord be with you wherever you may be now?
YOUR JOY AND SUCCESS REMAINS OUR GOAL.
Regards Deputy Director
Wayne Salzgaber’
Dear Wayne of Interpol: I have your mail.
Your writhing at my death has deeply touched
me. Though unknown to you, still you bewail
my loss – but ask my cooling corpse to rush
you finite proof ‘within three working days’.
In limbo here I can no longer vouch
for working days, or if my real malaise
might just be musing if I’m wanted now
by you alive or dead? Live I could raise
a cool half million. Dead it goes to Joe.
If I’ve ‘been DEAD’ am I now resurrect
and rich, or still a ghastly ex-officio
crash corpse? Those ‘hoodlums scammers’ I reflect
might just be you, despite your wish that I
should rest in perfect peace. I’m circumspect
about my first response. Success and joy
may be your stated goal but safety first –
you’re in the trash dear Wayne – you wongaboy –
since you forgot to check if I was versed
in things grammatical, your bubble burst.